Parent FAQs

1) How can I tell if my child is high on marijuana?
It is not always easy to tell whether your child is under the influence of marijuana. Sometimes signs are more obvious, such as dramatic behavior changes including silliness, frequent laughing, bloodshot eyes, dilated pupils, unusual hunger and snacking, and a sweet smoking odor on clothes or on the child. More often than not, the child has been able to mask these signs to avoid detection. To be more certain that drugs are present in the body, drug testing is the way to find out.



2) What can I say if I find drugs in my child’s bedroom?

Most experts in the field of treating adolescent (teenage) chemical dependency will tell you to talk with your child directly if you find drugs in his/her bedroom. Your child may deny that the drugs are theirs, often claiming that they are holding them for a friend. Try and avoid arguing or getting into a power struggle with your child in an attempt to force them to tell you the truth. If your child continues to deny, tell them that you are concerned, and that the next time you suspect any drug use activity, you will take them for a professional assessment. Take the drugs you find away and destroy them.

3) How do I talk with my child so he/she doesn’t get defensive?

Individuals who are involved with the illegal use of drugs and alcohol, regardless of their age, will try and defend their right to behave the way they want. Assume your child will be defensive when confronted. If he/she admits to use and asks for help, you are one step ahead. If he/she becomes defensive, try not to yell or be argumentative. Let your child know how you feel, talking about your fears and worries. Your child can't deny or get defensive about your feelings. Don't expect that this technique will change things immediately. Your child needs to know how you feel and what to expect from you if you find drugs or your child is under the influence again.

4) When do I start believing my child again?

It takes just a second to lose trust in someone you love and lots of time and effort to gain trust again. Time usually heals these wounds along with some effort from both parent and child. Adolescence is a time when parents are usually shocked by the realization that their children are becoming more private individuals, withholding information, and sometimes not telling the whole truth. When drugs and alcohol are involved, it seems to intensify the feeling for parents of this idea of independence, something that is part of normal adolescent development. If your child is willing to work on repairing the relationship, parents can help by beginning to volunteer information about their daily lives when not necessarily asked by mom or dad. This is a strategy and suggestion you as parents can give to your child. Parents in turn need to support these efforts and continue to observe behaviors, both positive and negative.

5) How can I get my child to stop behaving this way?

If your child is a teenager, it is hard to change in a short time what has taken 13, 14, 15, 16, years to create. Parents often forget that the brains of teenagers have not fully developed in the same way adult brains have developed. Very often we find that parents expect their children to understand or follow the same complicated processes adults are expected to follow. Parents, adjust your expectations. Don't engage in discussions or debates that end up in power struggles - no one wins. Design a list of expectations for your child along with a list of consequences for non-compliance that you as the parent follow through on. Present these lists to your child in a "sober" moment, in other words, when you are both in a mood to talk. Then paste it on the refrigerator. If you follow this design, behavior will change in your household.

6) Can I teach responsible drinking by buying my children beer, as long as they only drink in the house?

There is much controversy about this method of training for children vis a vis responsible decision making with parents and how they model their decision making for their children. In addition, there are no guarantees that children who are allowed to drink in the house will limit this behavior to the house and not drink with their friends on the street. Many states and local communities also have laws that will ultimately convict parents for providing alcoholic beverages to minors. Be careful.

7) Should I bail my child out of jail? They will only release him/her into my custody.

This question is really about whether or not you see yourself as an "enabler." Depending on the family situation, for some families bailing their child out of jail is just teaching the child that his behavior will yield no consequence and is tolerated by his parents. For other families, bailing the child out shows the child respect and love, that when one mistake has been made, one can learn from it and move on. Either way, a more comprehensive discussion should take place with a licensed professional to help the family determine the best course of action.

8) Does he/she really need drug treatment?

There are several different points of view regarding this question. One common view puts forward the idea that if a parent feels the need to ask the question, then there is enough concern to warrant further investigation. Drug treatment consists of a range of interventions. Prevention/education programs are generally found in schools. Outpatient counseling with a focus on possible drug/alcohol problems is found at clinics and hospitals, and with private practitioners. Intensive outpatient treatment is commonly found in clinics and hospitals involving group, individual and family counseling along with attendance in 12 step programs (AA/NA). Day or evening programs, which are generally limited to 2 weeks, are commonly found at hospital locations. Finally, residential programs are substantially separate facilities. This continuum of care is the spectrum of drug treatment. Where an individual fits on the continuum is determined by an assessment or evaluation. The assessment is the first step if you ask this question.

9) My child uses drugs, not alcohol. Why does he/she need to go to AA?

Frequently, Alcoholics Anonymous is recommended as a 12-step program of choice for individuals with both drug and alcohol problems. In contrast with Narcotics Anonymous, AA meetings are generally more available - there are more meetings in the community, and it seems there are more and more young people who have problematic drug and alcohol problems in combination. Both AA and NA are based on the same 12 - step principal, so whichever meeting one participates in can be helpful.